Monday

I was at work for too long today.


I did speak with my coworker about his condition. And he had all sorts of questions for me. Like how did I distinguish the physical reality from the imagined reality. He said, because the only reality I have ever seen is this, which just made me very sad. He also said that Tom Clancy is his favorite author because there is none of that descriptive nonsense that just clutters up other books.


Today I had this incredible longing for a friend who is no longer a friend. I used to follow that feeling, reach out and try to mend things. There is no point. We are each too far gone down our own separate paths; I must instead accept that this is what has become of us. It’s not easy but it is better than yelling into the void.


I have crafted a new early morning schedule, dividing my time between Japanese study and writing/research. From next month, it will be mainly Japanese study as I prepare for the big exam in December. After I pass the exam, I am going to go to driving school. And cooking classes. If I am going to live here, I need to actually live here.