Saturday & Sunday

It was pouring rain all day.

Afterward, the wet streets were filled with the sharp scent of green plants and curry.

I wear a bandage over my tattoo now. I am careful not to let anyone from my work see it, the simple star I got at 18 with my then-already-waning best friend. I am equally careful not to let my kids see the bandage, since they think of the star as a part of me. A strange line I walk. I don’t regret the star, exactly, but I wish I had gotten something less connected to another and more connected to me.

I realized recently, epiphany-sized realization, that I have a really hard time letting go of friendships that are deceased. Romance, I toss it down and walk away in a heartbeat, but friendship, especially with people who I don’t have to explain myself to, people who are funny and weird, when those connections are over, I grieve for years.

But we all grow and in the process outgrow relationships that once were a perfect fit. It is sad but it is just the way things go. And I know, after trying to force people to fit, that it is more painful to do so, because it can make you angry and hurt that the people did not grow in the same direction, expand into the same shape. I have not been respecting others’ paths for so long, it turns out. What is good for you is not necessarily good for me and vice versa. The best thing to do for someone you love is to wish them well and let them grow as they need to.

Now for breakfast. And retrieving my bike from work.