Friday

A while back, a friend introduced me to this app called The Pattern. It is a strange little app that takes your birth info (time, place, etc.) and turns it into horoscopes that sound like something your therapist would tell you. There is quite a bit of mystery around the app as no one seems to know who is running the show or what happens with that information you provide or how it is free and yet there are no tacky ad interruptions. Let’s just assume that it is either run by the Russians or profit-driven aliens so we can focus on what the app is about rather who is steering the ship.

Every day, you get oddly specific insights into your personality and, if you like, insights about friends and the world at large. Here’s mine for today:

“You’re intended to move through the world as a responsible force for your community and friends. You’re finding that you naturally gravitate toward situations where you’re in charge and can hold things together for others. It is important for you to have a meaningful role in your career; you thrive in a position of power and authority. You’re ambitions; you have a strong impulse to achieve in the world and want to accomplish something significant. This side of you is your ideal public self; it is also how you’re intended to approach your career. It may not be how friends perceive you or how you understand yourself, but there’s a style to the way you operate in the world. Ideally, you’re able to find a challenging and meaningful project or job that satisfies your drive to excel. If you take time to learn something, you’ll know it very well and will want to share the depth of your knowledge. Nobody can match your practical skills and know-how- you’re an expert in your area of interest. Because you’re responsible, you’re the one people go to for help and support. You’re skilled at managing others and helping to achieve concrete, practical results. You’re tenacious and goal-oriented. Quick to abandon things that aren’t working, you’ll come up with better, more productive ideas that work for everyone.
In your personal life and intimate relationships, you might exhibit a very different side of yourself. In fact, it might be the opposite of your outward -facing self, but what you show the world is your take-charge, practical side and expertise.
What motivates you is not necessarily ideals, but what’s useful and essential. You’re willing to sacrifice your needs in the long term for the sake of the greater good in your career or calling. Your greatest satisfaction is a job well done in whatever work you choose. You love the feeling of accomplishment and being respected and valued for your efforts. It is important for you to find a career that gives you a clear and necessary function, where you’re able to manage others and reach your goals. Owning and expressing this responsible, high-achieving side of you to the world and in your career is how you’ll feel most fulfilled and make your best contribution.”

Whew, right? And that is just from my daily pattern. The app also gives you what they term World Updates, things that humanity as a whole is going through and needs to recognize and achieve, as well as Challenges that tell you what sort of rocks might be waiting on your path in the near future. There is also a highly detailed profile with headings like Ideal Relationship and Communication Fears. You can find friends and compare patterns or input people’s info and compare it without having to invite them in, which is interesting in its own right.

Here’s what’s going on with my Communication Fears:

Yes, I am sure that I am not the only one in the world with these patterns. It is not as if the Russian aliens have time to give everyone such detailed and individualized content. BUT, it is eerily accurate. Like as in I want to scoff at this sort of naval-gazing but I mean, seriously, it is all right on the nose. I am afraid of saying things that might be considered weird or unacceptable which is strange because I personally love the weird and unacceptable. I am starting to outgrow this, slowly, slowly, and it seriously and perversely helps that all those whom I thought were my loyal comrades have split. I used to be afraid of rejection but now since I have been rejected on so many intimate fronts, well, I am no longer afraid. After all, who is left to offend?

And as for the career business, while it is all true, this bit really stood out: “You’re willing to sacrifice your needs in the long term for the sake of the greater good in your career or calling.” It is absolutely true and it is part of the reason I don’t have to worry about spending too much time chatting with pals anymore. It was really hard for many people who helped me through my darker days to fathom the current outcome. I understand but all the same, I had to make this situation function, sustainability, so that I can work because. for me, it is the work that matters, not me.
(Besides, I learned much more about relationships and conventions and expectations from darker days than from the lighter ones.) Those who cannot understand this do not have the same type of drive to work, to create. This is not to say that I am better or lesser than them. Just that this is what I am about in this lifetime.

A lot of what is contained in the app can be figured out if you sit down with yourself enough but it is oddly reassuring to be able to read about yourself in a manner that is non-threatening and subtly encouraging. I sometimes forget about it or I will get into haughty moods and feel that such glossy and suspicious analyses are beneath me. But I am not in such a mood right now. Right now, I appreciate the subtle encouragement the Russian aliens provide.