Sunday

Yesterday, my coworker, the man I sit across from day after day, announced that he has aphantasia, aka no ability to visualize images in his mind’s eye. They also call this mind blind. I should have known something was up based on a conversation I had with him about dreams. I told him about a particularly wild and convoluted one I had and he told me that he never dreams about things that have never happened to him. He says he basically just dreams about work and doing errands and nothing strange or out of the ordinary ever occurs, rather…

Saturday

This morning, I went out early for breakfast and bento goods and took the camera along. It was bright already at 5 am but the streets were relatively deserted. I passed trucks waiting to deliver goods to the grocery store, elderly couples out in matching track suits, swinging their arms twice as fast as their legs were going. I stood beneath a tsubame’s nest and watched the parents dive into the river and return to the little mud cone that held six chicks with big triangular mouths that gaped into a wide diamonds when the parents called out to them….

Thursday

The light is perfect right now in the evenings as I ride my bike home. It stays bright until a little after seven, undermining the power of clocks. Block after block, the smells of night rising, of summer rising: curry and garlic, incense, roses and jasmine. I have been too busy at night with a project to get up early and write. It is a short-term schedule change and one I believe will be fruitful. Staying up at night is now a little exhilarating, along with the strange reality of waking up at five-thirty instead of three, the insistent sunlight…

Sunday

The defeat of an incomplete to-do list.Damn you, time, with your minutes and hours. I have too much to do to listen to the ticking of a clock. Reminding myself that there will be more minutes and hours does not soothe the pacing beast of creativity, a caged tiger floating on a sea of blood. Blood, blood, everywhere, and not a drop to drink…I am tired and my words are ornery. I will sleep and get through a Monday of lesson plans and health checks and all the nonsense that goes along with winding up yet another week.

Saturday

A full weekend this week. My hands are flecked with dry clay. Later, downtown for some supplies. For the first time in years, I am making some moulds and pouring some resin. For the first time in years, I am sewing. For the first time in forever, I am making things without worrying about what I am making. This round of production has a good purpose and that is enough to get me rolling.

Tuesday

This past weekend, I had only Sunday off. I am not a fan of this schedule but it is how it works at my current school so I must go along with it because for the most part, this school is worth it. When I only have one day off, though, I tend to get a little panicky about my time on this planet. Or rather, I tend to get more panicky than usual about my time on this planet. I am trying to overcome such anxiety with activity: taking photographs, writing, studying, playing with the kids, cooking, cleaning, riding…