Wednesday

Those of us who live in the Floridian diaspora talk about Florida all the time to each other. As in: All. The. Damn. Time. And we do this because we hate our home state as much as we love it. And we really hate it therefore we also really love it. If you are a true Floridian, not a transplant, but someone whose grandparents’ grandparents somehow managed to survive the heat and mosquitoes long enough to give birth to a lineage of disgruntled Floridians, then your right to complain and praise the state are increased 100 fold compared to those…

Thursday

I am now a mother of a sixteen year-old.Such a very strange thing, sixteen years.I have moved ten times since he was born. We have been joyful and broke and silly and miserable and creative and frustrated and heartbroken and hopeful. Thousands of mistakes were made and I have plenty of regrets to bear. It is perhaps just the nature of the first child to be scarred by the unintentional missteps of his parents.I was only 23 when he was born. I thought I was so ancient then.I knew nothing. The only thing I know now is how utterly ignorant…

Monday

Jason was telling me about this sculpture he is working on and I felt a pang of jealousy at his ability to delve so deep into the fantasy surrounding this weird cat/temple creation. It has been a while since I created any ideas from scratch. On the other hand, I find the reality that presents itself to me to be the captivating one. It is bizarre and unexplored and gorgeous and cruel and absolutely constructed. Why make up a proxy when such a beast lays before me? I walk through the supermarket with music from a century ago coursing through…

Tuesday

Raining in the morning, forced to walk in the street to avoid the crowds of umbrella-wielding elementary school students dominating the sidewalk. The news of a knifing rampage in Yokohama came at the end of second period, the teachers called to the vice principal’s desk. School children had been attacked, we must be vigilant, bracing ourselves for copycats. I remembered the incident in Tomio, a girl taken after school by her mother’s long-term stalker, her body found in a ditch the next morning. Back then there were no school gates, just open entrances. There were no ID badges, no security…

Sunday

Yesterday, my coworker, the man I sit across from day after day, announced that he has aphantasia, aka no ability to visualize images in his mind’s eye. They also call this mind blind. I should have known something was up based on a conversation I had with him about dreams. I told him about a particularly wild and convoluted one I had and he told me that he never dreams about things that have never happened to him. He says he basically just dreams about work and doing errands and nothing strange or out of the ordinary ever occurs, rather…

Thursday

The light is perfect right now in the evenings as I ride my bike home. It stays bright until a little after seven, undermining the power of clocks. Block after block, the smells of night rising, of summer rising: curry and garlic, incense, roses and jasmine. I have been too busy at night with a project to get up early and write. It is a short-term schedule change and one I believe will be fruitful. Staying up at night is now a little exhilarating, along with the strange reality of waking up at five-thirty instead of three, the insistent sunlight…

Friday

Behind the ward office on the way to work and then again on the evening return home, a collective of swallows are building nests. They fly between the buildings and swoop down to the street in a swarm. They are masterful pilots, dive-bombing and pulling up at the last second, twisting and turning. Soon they will have gaping mouths to feed but until then, they dance and sing.

Tuesday

This past weekend, I had only Sunday off. I am not a fan of this schedule but it is how it works at my current school so I must go along with it because for the most part, this school is worth it. When I only have one day off, though, I tend to get a little panicky about my time on this planet. Or rather, I tend to get more panicky than usual about my time on this planet. I am trying to overcome such anxiety with activity: taking photographs, writing, studying, playing with the kids, cooking, cleaning, riding…