Sunday

Now he has again preceded me a little in parting from this strange world. This has no importance. For people like us who believe in physics, the separation between past, present and future has only the importance of an admittedly tenacious illusion.Albert Einstein upon the death of his dear friend Michele Besso When I learn that people are dying or have cut to the chase, I always feel a surge of resolve to live even harder, push even further. It may be that this is an illusion, that we are just one collective being, that we occur and reoccur, but…

Tuesday

This life, this set-up, it’s all a slapdash construction-in-progress initiated by someone who refuses to acknowledge the sharks circling her little vessel, adrift in the sea. I have made a houseboat out of a busted-up canoe and have strung up tiny fairy lights along the roof, though we can’t turn them on because the motor isn’t working by which I mean to say there was never a motor in the first place. Don’t tell the kids that it has been me back at the stern, hand-paddling us along, making engine noises with my lips. I don’t want them to panic….

Saturday

It has been a strange week, a week of shifts and stops. I’ve been doing nothing in the evenings. Not reading or finishing the painting or the story. Not even helping the kids with their homework. I have just been coming in, closing the curtains, and going to sleep. Is that shameful? I am not sure. Perhaps. I set my alarm for four and sleep through it. I wake at five and lay there staring at the ceiling. I am trying to figure something out but I am not sure what it is. I start Japanese lessons next week. It…