Saturday

Last night, near eleven, my eldest decided to have a meltdown because his phone was being confiscated. We took the phone because he had violated curfew and neglected to do anything we asked before he left the house. So it was a fair and predictable consequence. He’s sixteen, though, and of a generation that has mentally merged with their technology. Losing his phone is equivalent in his mind to torture. He proceeded to have a full-on panic attack-esque fit which caused a raucous in our tiny apartment late at night. One of the things that came out of that emotional…

Saturday

It has been a strange week, a week of shifts and stops. I’ve been doing nothing in the evenings. Not reading or finishing the painting or the story. Not even helping the kids with their homework. I have just been coming in, closing the curtains, and going to sleep. Is that shameful? I am not sure. Perhaps. I set my alarm for four and sleep through it. I wake at five and lay there staring at the ceiling. I am trying to figure something out but I am not sure what it is. I start Japanese lessons next week. It…

Monday

A friend asked me about the story I mentioned in the last post, how I would write it now, if I was to do so and this has been on my mind all day. I would not write it again, is my first response. I needed to write it then as a sort of dare for myself, a push-back against the things that scared me. There are elements that I am still mildly curious about but I am no longer frantically confused. I think because the truth of it all is this: it does not matter, or at least it…